What are boundaries and why are they essential for our happiness?

My client Saul had been out with his friends, after a couple of drinks he told me he was ready to head home. He was looking forward to a close friend’s wedding the next day and wanted to be on top form. Saul said: “It was about 9.00, I had a good laugh but hadn’t eaten and didn’t want to go on drinking and socialising, I’d had a good chat with a few mates and was ready to head home and as was starving hungry. A couple of mates started taking the piss out of me saying I was becoming boring. Don’t know what happened but I just laughed and went along just to avoid any more taunts. I got back at 2.00 in the morning and felt so rough at the wedding, didn’t enjoy it at all.” We have all been there haven’t we? Like Saul we don’t listen to what’s right for us and go along with something we don’t want to do just to please the crowd. Every now and then this isn’t going to do too much harm but if you constantly ignore what your inner self is saying, it’s a recipe for misery.   That inner voice or feeling is communicating your boundaries. The word means a dividing line or ‘a line that marks the limits of an area.’ It’s this dividing line that acts as a frontier or cut off point for what you believe to be acceptable or right for you. Ignore those frontiers and you stop manifesting your true self, and are just a version of what others want you to be. Not expressing who you are creates on-going feelings of things aren’t right but you feel powerless to change the status quo.   So why do we not express our boundaries and what is right for ourselves? Mostly it’s due to beliefs we hold and lack of confidence which leads to: Wanting to please others so as not to be left out or cause an argument. Feeling not good enough and that other peoples’ view of you is more important than your own. Your opinion doesn’t matter. Or when in a toxic relationship and have not been listened to and respected in the past so there is a sense of ‘it just isn’t worth the hassle.’ Doesn’t the above feel yuk? Those points speak of a life not fully lived and a person who is a version of what others want him to be. Not who he truly is.   What are the advantages to communicating our boundaries?    When you acknowledge your internal experiences and allow them to drive your actions and communication. This gives a great sense of empowerment and confidence. Other people know how to behave around you. You get to live in alignment and that feels so good. From what food you want to the development of a new romance – you feel empowered. Making a choice to be kind to yourself gives you a cosy blanket
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Thinking of becoming a hypnotherapist? The 4 stages of questions to ask before you take the step

Becoming a councillor, hypnotherapist or coach can be a dream for many people. A  job where every working day you get to make a positive difference. Every day filled with meaning and even though you accompany people going through really tough times – you know that your work is helping to transform lives. Enormous job satisfaction self-employed. Being your own boss has many advantages. Flexible working hours, no one to make you redundant and the independence of developing your business to suit your skills and preferences.   My name is Jill and I run a training school where we teach people the skills to become professional hypnotherapists. They learn what is needed to help clients experience a transformation to a full and happy life, free of the anxiety or issues that constrained their past. We get almost a 100% retention rate on our course. That’s because when the students were at the stage you are at now I asked the questions below. So, they became clear we if were the right fit or not for them. The only time people drop out is because of illness or a sudden change in personal circumstances. After having many conversations with prospective students I often asked them the same questions. So I share the same questions in the hope that they activate reflections that will help you clarify the best path for you. There are 4 stages of questions and research to help you make sure you make the best decisions for the most important person YOU!   Stage 1: Foundation questions I am passionate about helping people achieve their dreams. However, when I talk to a someone looking to move into this career, it’s my job to make sure that their dream is really what they want. Sound weird? Yes, I know but I have seen people work really hard to achieve something they long for. A promotion, a bigger home or new relationship. Only to have the dawning realization that they have put their ladder up the wrong wall and the daily reality of the life they longed for didn’t bring the expected happiness. So these questions make you reflect on the end result and invite you to explore if it’s right for you.   Stage 2: Design Questions to choose the best pathway for your training. One to suit your resources, and enable you to set up as a confident safe effective hypnotherapist.   Stage 3: Build out These questions are to examine and prepare for the journey of building and consolidating your new skills.   Stage 4: Moving in to the day job! The daily life of a hypnotherapist. And what you can do to stay on top of your game both for your clients and personally.     If you like the idea getting some help to make the best decision, sign up here and I will give you immediate access to a FREE pdf of the 4 steps and 3 FREE videos of Have access to: a pdf
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5 Ways To Make Your Sure Your Brain Doesn’t Sabotage Your Efforts To Ditch Unwanted Habits

If you want to cast off old habits of anxiety, feeling not good enough, not exercising or anything that stops you moving forward. Then I’m guessing you will have tried to change and often not got the results you wanted. Whahhhh – frustrating or what? 92% of people who try to change don’t succeed No comfort I know but you have been in the 92% of people who make a decision to get up earlier or feel more confident in social situations but like so many people your efforts fall on stony ground. Hey, don’t despair because so many people have the same experience and now science may be able to explain why change can be hard to sustain. (And within this lays the secret to how change can be made easier)   “But I just wanna know how it works for the 8%’ I can hear you and I got your back but check this out before the 5 brain rewiring tips at the bottom of the page. New research has shown no matter how much you want to change your habits; your brain may scupper your intentions of bettering yourself.   Scientific research is showing the brain prioritizes short-term gain over long-term reward. This isn’t a new idea as in the late 1960s and early ’70s, Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel ran an experiment where he gave 4-year-olds the choice between one snack-treat right away or two in fifteen minutes. Years later, Mischel checked the adult participants in the so-called Marshmallow Test, to see how their lives had panned out. He found that those who had waited did better in life in all sorts of ways. Lasting relationships, better jobs and they scored higher on the ‘happiness’ scale. Similar experiments by psychologist George Ainslie, showed that even pigeons discounted the offer of large portions of grain in favour of smaller amounts they could get immediately. It might not surprise you to know that humans behave the same way. So when you turn off that alarm in favour of an extra half hour under the duvet rather than going for a run; your brain is favouring the immediate short-term reward rather than the long-term gain of a healthy fit energised self. Somehow, the link between the small action of going for a regular run becomes separated from the reason for doing it.   Somehow both animal and humans are wired to bypass long term gain if there was an immediate reward. As humans we can use our cognition to change this natural selection process when we clearly identify with all the life changing opportunities and happiness the change in behaviour now will bring in the future.   How hypnosis can hack this natural brain process to make sure the change you seek – you get? When you vividly imagine yourself in your preferred future and experience all the longed for changes as if they were happening now. You are hypnotising yourself! Your imagination tricks the brain to thinking it’s getting short term
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Why it’s important to get your clients’ focus on where they are heading. And 4 tips to on how to!

Clients may have never thought of life without their problems.  Jackie looked puzzled as I asked her a few questions about her future….. ‘What will life be like without that old anxiety?  ‘errrr, well……………..I’m not sure.’ ‘Take time to let the part of you that does know have a say’ Silence……… ‘I guess I will be able to enjoy life more’ Ok,  so we had take off but I asked a few more questions to get more detail. ‘What are the main things you will notice that are different?’ ‘Take me through a day when you can go to work and feel calm.’ Jackie suddenly seemed to connect with her future and was able to start to describe in great detail how different life would be. She described a variety of positive emotions and how they would enable her to act differently. Jackie said she would have choices and more freedom to do the things she used to love. I noticed a warm glow flowing over her face, a smile crept in and her eyes began to look glazed as she fully engaged in that future. The physical changes I noticed were the result of Jackie’s neurochemistry adapting and reacting to her present thoughts. She was literally reprogramming her brain to expect and experience this future. After a few more minutes of building and building this future scenario, I asked her to let her eyes close and then used her words and the information I had gathered to take Jackie into a deep trance. In that time her inner world became real and her brain made new connections as if that future were happening in that very moment. It won’t come as any surprise that after one session Jackie felt a profound shift in the way she felt on a day-to-day basis. Most clients who choose to see you – want change like Jackie did. By the time a person sits in front of you, they will have made a decision that they don’t want life to continue as it is. Whether it’s getting over the loss of a significant relationship, trauma, illness or just have gotten tired with the old habits. They are tired of the predictable reactions that bring uncomfortable feelings and limit their life choices Your clients will focus on moving away from a problem, and may not have thought about a future without the problem. Tony Robbins wrote: “All human behaviour revolves around the urge gain pleasure or avoid pain. You pull away from a lighted match in order to avoid the pain of burning your hand. You sit and watch a beautiful sunset because you get pleasure from the glorious celestial show as day glides into night.” At first our clients will be largely in the ‘pulling away’ mode and it’s our job to help create the subconscious blueprints that naturally motivate them towards a preferred future. To create a different life experience, the process of change is made so much easier if a person knows what they are moving towards. As a therapist I have
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Phantom Limb Pain: Hypnosis helps decrease pain by helping the brain adjust to the new territory

The diagnosis of phantom limb pain did nothing to lessen the agonising shock-like sensations that Diane felt in the area where her leg used to be. Unable to sleep peacefully and on a cocktail of strong drugs she was exhausted when she first came to see me. As she related the horror of the accident and subsequent amputation, it was her extraordinary optimism and sense of humour that radiated through. Her determination to survive was evident from the beginning. After a motorbike accident in Bali, an island in Indonesia, no one would take her to hospital because of the belief that blood carries bad spirits. A hefty bribe ensured that she got there but there were only minutes to spare. Over the following two weeks gangrene set in and the limb was amputated. Five months on, the phantom limb pain was made barely tolerable by the drugs, though in Bali she had experienced profound relief through acupuncture. Back in the UK, her indomitable strength and open mind led her to explore more acupuncture and hypnosis. Phantom limb pain is common in amputees Diane’s symptoms were not unusual. Phantom limb pain is more commonly associated with lower limb loss through surgery or trauma, but has been reported after the loss of a breast, ear, testicle and even organs that have been surgically removed. Sensations are commonly described as shooting, cramping, burning or stabbing pains and these should be distinguished from stump pain that is local to the site of amputation. This is commonly caused by neuromas that grow in response to the nerve endings reaching out to try to find the other side of the cut. What causes phantom limb pain? No one could tell Diane what caused her phantom limb pain but there are several medical lines of thought Peripheral nerve dysfunction Spinal cord dysfunction The brain having to adjust its feedback system as its territory changes. It is the latter that seems to hold the key to understanding why hypnosis can help phantom limb pain sufferers. The area of the brain that is responsible for a limb may receive information from other areas after amputation. This is called cortical remapping. And it may go some way to explain why suffers feel increased phantom limb sensation from touching part of the face. For in the brain, the regions are very close. Maps of the body are in the brain Dr Ramachandran looked at a possible mapping of the body on the brain. His book Phantoms in the Brain describes how different areas of the body are governed by different parts of the brain. In this book, Ramachandran also describes a mirror box which reflects the remaining hand making the other hand appear still present. This reliably reduced phantom limb pain in hand amputees, indicating that the visual pathway was enough to convince the brain that its territory was undisturbed. Hypnosis to reshape the brain’s instinctive behaviour after loosing a limb If our brains are hard wired to expect a hand on
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I Meditated For 30 Days And Saw A Profound Shift In My Life – Create A Wave Of Change In Your Life Starting Today.

During a day of working with clients, I observed the familiar sight of my clients breathing becoming deeper. Tension dissolving, smiles and the minimal facial expressions conveying the changes happening in their brains.   Over the next few days I received three emails detailing the profound life changes that those clients had experienced from hypnosis. Old, unhelpful ways of viewing the world – GONE. They wrote of feeling increased vitality, motivation and ‘a sense of ease in daily life.’   By the third email a thought suddenly occurred to me ‘I could do with some of that!’ I was ok but having had a bug my energy was down and I was finding my focus and creativity not as sharp.   I used to do meditation mosts days but had stopped a few months ago. So, I made a promise to myself – ‘I am going to invest some time in me and use my skills to be the best I can be!’ So I started doing 15 minutes meditation a day – sometimes listening to a guided visualisation and other times just doing my own structured meditation which naturally developed by about the 10th day.   After 48 days I feel amazing, my energy and motivation to start exercising again have rocketed. Going for a run early in the morning and yoga now come easy but the most miraculous part of this new practice is what I have manifested into my life. Can’t go into detail as it is private to me (for the moment) but it is nothing short of a miracle and is life changing.   So what else have I noticed? I have noticed how my intuition is so sharp, how creative ideas and solutions randomly occur and above all – an abiding sense of calm over some important decisions I have had to make.   Want some of this too? Are you prepared to make an investment?   An investment of 15 minutes time for you every day for 30 days. Sound easy? That’s what I thought! First few days were great then I found any excuse not to take that time – and you will too but I had made an absolute promise to myself and so couldn’t go back on my word, so I carried on and the more I did the more wonderful things unfolded.   My gift to you is to share the meditation I have created and use every day. Join our Facebook page to post your comments and see the daily posts I will make to encourage you. Start today and live a bigger life.     
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11 Tips for Happy Long Term Relationships

Following last week’s blog on the 2 keys to lasting relationships. Here are 11 tips that cultivate an environment of KINDNESS and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT between couples. The longevity elixir for relationships! Pepper your relationship with lots of ‘turn towards bids’. Gottman found that long staying couples had more turn towards bids. Here is an example – when their partner makes a comment about something that on the surface isn’t that significant – like ‘hey look at that colourful little bird on the feeder.’ It suggests that what has been experienced or observed is important to the individual, so its therefore important to get that statement acknowledged by their partner.This can be done via their partner looking up from their present activity and saying ‘ahh’ or any other small comment that just acknowledges and appreciates their words. Active constructive responses. One step better than this was discovered by researcher Shelley Gable and her colleagues. They observed that how partners respond to good news from their loved ones is an indicator of a relationship will last or not.For example if a husband came home and said he had been offered a promotion if his wife was busy reading she would disengage from the book and make a comment like ‘well done;’ but the engagement would carry on. The wife might continue the dialogue and ask what were the first steps he needed to take.Couples who did lots of active, constructive responding like this were shown to have better relationship quality and increased intimacy. Take regular time out to catch up on what is happening in each other’s lives. A busy daily routine  can sabotage engagement and closeness so plan in time together – coffee breaks, date nights, a walk, turning the TV off  – anything that just gives you opportunity to talk. Pay interest in what is happening in your partner’s life. John Gottman calls this a ‘love map’ and said expressed how important it was to get to know who your partner’s friends are and what is happening in their lives outside of your relationship and the time you spend with them. Another important reason for catch up time. Be generous about your partner’s intentions. Don’t sweat the small stuff – so if your partner is late home, don’t sit there seething and winding yourself up into a lather but generate lots of reasons why this might have happened. Couples who stay together show understanding rather than jumping to a negative conclusion and thinking badly of their partner. Let go of the need to be right. A need to have the upper hand all the time and the last word can force couples to have petty arguments so try and let this go to reduce any chances of conflict or pettiness. Not taking every action you don’t like personally. So if your partner forgets to bring home the milk you asked them to pick up – don’t think they have done it to make you cross or not listened to you. They simply could
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Science shows that 2 factors determine if your relationship will be short term or long term.

As my client Gail chatted about how her husband was constantly annoying her with his talk about his work, and how she had criticized him at every available opportunity.’ I couldn’t help but think of the recent article by John Gottman, an international expert on relationships. Along with his wife Julie who is also a psychologist they run The Gottman Institute, and have devoted their lives to uncover what creates or breaks marital stability. The 2 keys to long lasting relationships. Along with a team of researchers they have made a series of scientific findings that determines the likelihood of a couple staying together, or not. And guess what the two key players are? Kindness and generosity – attitudes that seem to be missing from the increasing number of couples getting divorced. Nearly half of marriages end in divorce. Every year in the USA about 2 million marriages take place and in the UK there are roughly 250,000 marriages. It is shocking news that between 40 – 50 percent of those marriages will end in divorce, an outcome that few contemplate when gazing into each other’s eyes and say ‘I do’ and ‘until death do us part.’ Since the 1970’s scientists and psychologists have been trying to find the keys to successful relationships. In 1982 Gottman set up ‘Love Lab’ within The University of Washington. They invited newly weds and watched to see if there were any trends in the way they interacted with each other. The science behind happy, long lasting marriages. During the observed conversations couples had electrodes on their body so that the researchers could gather physiological data. This data was stored and then after a gap of 6 years Gottman’s team contacted the couples to see if they were together or not. Couples who were still married were called ‘Masters’ and those who had separated were called ‘Disasters.’ Relaxed Master couples v stressed Disaster couples. When reviewing the physiological data, along with the marital outcomes, researchers discovered that the ‘Disasters’ showed signs of stress during the observed conversations. In a nutshell they felt under threat whilst they sat and chatted to their ‘nearest and dearest.’ So even when they looked fine outwardly, inside they were preparing to be attacked or attack. In contrast the ‘Masters’ who were still together after 6 years had showed little sign of physiological arousal. They were calmer and kinder to each other – even when having a disagreement. This group weren’t fitter or stronger but simply had created an environment based on trust and love, so at no time felt under threat from their spouse. This fascinated Gottman and in 1990 he invited 130 newly weds to spend time at a lab – again at The University of Washington. The lab had received a huge make over and was designed to look like a bed and breakfast retreat. The couples were encouraged to spend time doing what they would normally do when relaxing on holiday. So they were observed doing regular
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Use Hypnosis To Improve Sport Performance

Countless successful sports men and women have used hypnosis to improve their performance for many years. Hypnosis is sometimes called creative visualisation, and it’s simply the process of using your imagination to increase your skill set. The repeated act of mentally rehearsing movement, action and reaction, creates changes in your brain and body. New neural connections start to form in your brain and these connections strengthen the more you rehearse the images. When you vividly imagine performing a particular move like a back-hand in tennis, your muscles strengthen and grow as if you had actually taken part in a training session. This was proven when a scientist took two groups of people. The first actively played a specific piano piece and the second group visualised doing so. Guess what? Yes, the group who imagined playing showed almost as much muscle development as the group who had physically played the notes on the keyboard. Why does visualisation increase performance and physical ability? In short – because your brain doesn’t know the difference between the two. A study by Soviet Scientists showed the effects of mental training on performance. During the 70’s Olympic athletes were divided into 4 groups. Group 1 did 100% physical training Group 2 did 75% physical training and 25% mental training Group 3 did 50% physical training and 50 % mental training Group 4 did 25% physical training and 75% mental training And guess who showed the greatest increase in performance – group 4 who did the most mental training! And what was as fascinating was that group 1 who didn’t do any mental training showed the least increase in performance. Subsequent training regimes for Russian athletes bought huge rewards in the 1976 Olympics as the Russians won a total of 125 medals, 35 more than their nearest rivals the USA. Why is mental rehearsal so important? To answer this question we need to have a quick look at how your brain works. When you are improving or learning a new skill you need your analytical brain to learn practice and then reflect on how you can do it better. Your logical mind couldn’t hope to house all the complex alignment of muscular skeletal moves needed to play a game of tennis or follow a gymnastic routine. It is your subconscious mind that collates the millions of pieces of data needed to do a forehand stroke or twist and turn on the bars. So once a skill is repeatedly practiced the coordination of that skill passed to your subconscious mind. All good so far but problems can arise when your conscious mind tries to muscle in on the all knowing and seeing subconscious mind. Thoughts like ‘will I win?’ ‘he/she is better than me’ destroy the minds natural ability to relax and focus on the game. Thoughts impede the neural firing that stimulates the learnt muscle reactions. Getting into the “flow’ state is vital for best performance. Now you may think it mad but even a sprinter has to
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Use Hypnosis To Make Great Decisions

Have you ever thought about how many decisions you have to make in your life? Not one single day of your life will go by without requiring you to make a whole heap of decisions. From the time you get out of bed, to what you eat, who you talk to, how you react to situations and who you love. The decisions you make are pivotal to your experience of life.  Some people seem to make decisions really easily whilst others fret and procrastinate at even the smallest decision, like what shoes shall I wear today? Lets look at how you can use hypnosis to make the bigger decisions in life more easily, such as what career path shall I take? Or, should I stay with my partner? It’s these big choices that can make you bury your head in the sand and worry for days. So what makes it so difficult to make an important decision. Lets take a fictitious person called John who has been offered a job and he is just not sure whether to take the offer or not. Lets look at what could be happening in his mind. Decisions that impact others can be harder to make. Decisions that don’t have a huge impact on your own or another person’s life can be easier to make than one that affects yourself and/or others in a significant way. So John maybe struggling with making a decision about his new job offer as it affects his family too. Maybe taking the job would mean moving house and children moving school or be a perceived financial risk. Fear of failure. John might be worried that if he takes the job and it doesn’t work out, his friends will see him as a failure. Have you ever decided against something because deep down you are concerned that it wouldn’t work out? A well-known characteristic of a successful person is they are not scared of failing and see new challenges or risks as a learning opportunity. Fear of committing to the unknown. John might worry about not being able to control certain aspects of the job like other colleagues or his boss. He will spends hours using his imagination to go through all the negative scenarios that could possibly happen. Lack of self-belief. John might want the job but is scared to take it because he thinks he isn’t good enough. Even though he may have gone through a rigorous interview process and the company obviously really want him on board. He will be fixated on worrying that he isn’t good enough. There is a common thread in these scenarios that make it difficult to make a decision, and it is fear. Fear of upsetting or putting others at risk. Fear of failure and of the unknown. Fear of not being good enough or fear of not being able to learn or attract what you need to make your decision work. As fear blocks creative insight, intuition and logical processing, it’s no
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