New research shows that if you hang on to resentment or forgive in a conditional way, you don’t live as long as people who are able to unconditionally forgive. So does that mean we have to turn the other cheek or agree with the other person? Absolutely not! Lets look at what forgiveness is and the cost of not forgiving. What is forgiveness? – A great explanation comes from Wikkipedia – ‘Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.’ Wikkipedia goes on to say what Forgiveness isn’t – and for anyone struggling to forgive this is so important to take on board. Forgiveness isn’t accepting what the other person did was ok. Forgiveness is very different from condoning a wrongful action. Forgiveness raises anxiety, creates stress and damages your heart A lack of forgiveness is usually associated with feelings such as resentment hostility and anger. The resulting stress hormones have wide, devastating physical consequences. The most predominant of which is cardiac dysfunction. Yes, anger can have a dangerous effect on your heart. In a study by Charlotte VanOyen Witvliet at Hope College, participants were asked to think about someone who had hurt, mistreated, or offended them. While they thought about this person and his or her past offense, Witvliet monitored their blood pressure, heart rate, facial muscle tension, and sweat gland activity. Sure enough, when people recalled a grudge, their physical arousal soared. And the reverse happens when a person thinks about forgiveness. Forgiveness is about making a conscious choice to preserve your health – The scientist Ironson, found that anger is a bigger predictor of heart disease than smoking. So it is no surprise that finding a way to forgive and relax about past events has become introduced to patients who have suffered a heart attack. As this serves to protect your heart and encourage long term healing. Sometimes the ‘act’ that needs forgiving is created because of how you interpret an event. There are obvious examples where the act is clear cut wrong but sometimes someone may do something that is just taken the wrong way. This can leave you with simmering angry feelings that are based on your perception and not how things really were. You will find that when you start to question your interpretation of events and loosen up negative beliefs about why someone did something, a sense of calm replaces a sense of injustice or resentment. For instance if your colleague got a promotion that you felt you should have had, you might be cross with your boss and conclude that he favours your colleague above you. Take a moment and think through as many different other reasons why your boss may have chosen your colleague. Reactions are often automatic and based on outdated beliefs systems – so thinking around your automatic emotional reaction
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What causes depression? Learn about the Cycle of Depression and the key to breaking it Bernie’s pale, sad face looked up at me as she said ‘My Mum had depression, so I guess I am destined to have it too. It must be in my genes.’ As a hypnotherapist who has successfully worked with hundreds of depressed people, I can’t count the times that I have heard a client say something like this. So I am writing this article to bust some of the myths about depression, what really causes it, and what can be done to lift the suffering. Rates of depression are increasing across the Western World Depression is a huge problem and it’s the number one psychological disorder in the Western World (1). It is growing across all age groups especially in teenagers. By 2020, the World Health Authority (WHO) has predicted that it will be the second most prevalent disabling condition in the world, second only to heart disease. Statistics show the enormous escalation of depression since 1945, people are now ten times more likely to suffer from major depression. So what is happening to cause this? Facts about depression Genetic research hasn’t come up with a gene that causes depression. In recent years, people have tried to explain depression away as a biological illness, a ‘chemical imbalance’ or a ‘genetic condition’ (2). As we’ll see, there is little evidence for this. British Medical Association guidelines suggest that talking therapies, not drugs should be front line treatment. However, long waiting lists mean that patients don’t get access and studies show that some talking therapies are more suited than others. Even without treatment, about 75% of people will come out of an episode of depression within about 6 months. Research shows us that depression isn’t primarily events-driven. It’s not so much what happen to a person in life as how they respond psychologically Increased consumerism and the breakdown of close knit communities has lead to people feeling more isolated and stressed (3). The fact that depression has increased so much in a short space of time helps us to see that it is not down to genes, as our genetic coding can’t change that quickly. Medics believe that lowered serotonin causes depression but research has shown that depression is not due to a chemical imbalance, or genetic factors and that low serotonin levels are a result, not a cause, of depression. Despite the prevailing ideas for the last few decades, this is now known to be a fact. (4) And it is psychologist Joe Griffin’s ground-breaking work that explains the causal link between anxiety, depression, rapid eye movement dreaming and lowered serotonin. The cycle of depression: The connection between dreaming, rapid eye movement (REM) anxiety and depression When you look at someone who is depressed you will often see a listless and lifeless face but the look is deceptive, as what is going on inside will be  high emotional arousal. Depressed people always, no matter how flat they
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