Post natal depression can be treated and the first step to feeling better is to recognise that lack of sleep makes us grumpy, unreasonable and lethargic. Nothing to do with your character, it is a fact of being human. Ever remember seeing a small child, with arms and legs flailing around, screaming their head off because they have got too tired and lost the plot? Same emotion, bigger body and no one to pick you up and tuck you into bed. If you used to spend quality time with your partner, worked, saw friends, exercised and did things that bought you feelings of satisfaction, then the isolation that early motherhood can bring cuts off your supply of emotional nourishment. So you can begin to relax because if you have been nodding your head as you read this it is normal to feel low. What can you do to either prevent or lift post natal depression? Talk to your partner and close friends, make a plan and focus on what will help to make the difference, ensure that you have some practical support. The focus must be on action rather than emotion. Contact your community nurse or health visitor, she will be used to seeing this and can give you some help and reassurance Take time to relax, learn how to relax using the power of self hypnosis Read the books, listen to others but relax and trust your instincts Meet other Mums even if you feel that they are doing better than you…they will all have had their worries and down days. Exercise, even a light walk produces serotonin, natures feel good chemical Take a look at  especially at the relaxation exercises and explanatory styles Find a film or something that makes you giggle Check out your diet, you will probably need to take some omega 3 and 6, also the baby strips the Mothers zinc supply so taking a zinc supplement can really transform the way you feel. Here are a few other tips too. Eat a lot of oily fish, herring, mackerel, sardines, salmon and tuna are all good. Eat a lot of raw fruit and vegetables (organic if possible) and seeds. Make up this mixture and use on breakfast cereal and in soups, one tablespoon a day. Make up equal quantities of sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds and then three times the amount of flax (linseeds) together in a blender. Grind them until they are granulated and store the mixture in the fridge. Drink lots of water especially if you are breast feeding If you feel that you need some professional help seek the help of a counsellor who does short term solution focused therapy Today’s modern world applies so much pressure to be the perfect parent, lover and friend causing millions of new Mums and Dads to feel exhausted and subsequently unhappy. Tolerate the uncertainty of learning how to parent a child in your own way, the confidence and love for a baby isn’t immediate for lots
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Sarah put her hands over her ears to try to block out the cries of her five month old daughter, alone in the house she felt overwhelmed by emotion and unable to move. Since Rosie’s birth she had experienced increasing anxiety, felt that she was a useless Mum and had suicidal thoughts. Luckily for both of them a friend who was worried about them unexpectedly called by and eventually persuaded Sarah to get some professional help. Sarah’s story is not uncommon, a recent study in the USA shows that 50 to 80 percent of new Mothers and 30 percent of new Fathers suffer post natal depression (also known as post partum depression). Symptoms range from lethargy and feeling tearful, to debilitating mood swings and suicidal thoughts that prevent even the strongest of parents from bonding with the new baby, or dealing with the most simple daily tasks. Although not given its title and recognised by psychologists until around 1968, as far back as Aristotle post natal depression was documented, and midwives have long been aware of the ‘baby blues’. Hormonal changes associated with pregnancy and birth can make a Mother feel overwhelmed for a few days – the ‘baby blues’, but to understand continued depressive feelings it is necessary to look at the huge sociological change and psychological demands that a new baby requires. Having a baby is a major transition, and most parents are ill prepared for the effect on life style and relationship. Mothers report Feeling overwhelmed and tearful Snappy and irritable Not feeling close to the baby Great tiredness Feeling alone, no one to turn too Although most commonly attributed to women, recent NHS studies point out the seriousness of men becoming depressed after the birth of a new baby. An NHS trust in the Essex in the UK has set up a trial help line for Fathers who are struggling too. 0845 120 3746 (lines opened March 2005) Fathers report Feeling a huge weight of responsibility Inadequacy in a supportive role for their partner Anxiety around the birth and worry about their ability to be a good parent No feelings for the baby Feeling very stressful around the Mother, feeling a loss of closeness with them The above is not a surprise when you consider that during the first six weeks normal routines of sleep, work and play are abandoned as life revolves around the baby’s needs. There is no time or energy to chat, see friends, sleep may be hard to come by and the idea of being that super mum and wife becomes a forgotten dream. Tiredness and worry cause us to act emotionally and prevent clear thinking, the head spins with thoughts as our rational brain gets side lined and we react immediately to our thoughts and feelings. It becomes a downward spiral where the joy of a new baby is hard to access, oh then guilt of not being able to look after the baby raises its rotten head. Symptoms of postnatal
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Is your future being created from what you want? Or, what you don’t want? Last week I sat with my client Marsha. I asked her what her life would be like when the issues around her anxiety had resolved. She came back with a reply that I hear often from clients. “Well, I wouldn’t feel those, I am not good enough feelings at work and I wouldn’t feel so down at the end of the day.’ Thinking of what we don’t want still focuses on the negative: On the surface Marsha’s reply was fine but can you see it was phrased in the negative? She saw her future not with all the good experiences that will take the place of the old anxiety. Just her future without the anxiety Law of attraction brings what we focus on: By imagining what you don’t want you are still creating lots of energy around the things that are not wanted. And you are missing out on a huge opportunity to create energy around what you do want. So I encouraged Marsha to look at the future without the problem in a different way to what she was doing. ‘Think about what your future will be like, not what it won’t be’: Once I had asked Marsha that question she went quiet, her eyes were looking all around and she had a far away look. This happens when someone creates new thought patterns. They delve into their imagination to crate a picture of what their future will be like. It takes time to create a picture of life in the future without a problem: Marsha’s brain worked hard to construct images of a future when she felt at ease with her colleagues and on a level with them. New neural connections were being made as her brain wired and fired those new thoughts together. I asked her what it would feel like to feel like an equal? Would she look any different and what would her colleagues notice about the new Marsha? All of these questions help to pull together a meaningful picture of her future. Top tip for bringing in what you do want into your life! Thinking about what you do want mobilises powerful elements of consciousness to bring your thoughts into reality: After working with thousands of clients I often see that as people overcome their problems they can’t imagine life without the old negative behaviour. So I recommend that you start to think not about the absence of something but the wonderful new feelings and experiences that will be there when the problem pattern has gone. Imagine that a lot!
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How Sugar can Cause Emotional and Physical Ill Health. Sofie called me over Christmas and was distraught – after thinking she was recovering well after a period of high anxiety and panic attacks, she had another panic attack, felt spaced out and tearful. Following a few questions I soon realised that the escalated anxiety was down to what she had eaten. Feeling so much better Sofie had let go of the food advice I had given and tucked into trifle, chocolates and a couple of glasses of wine. Three hours later her heart was racing and beating like a drum, she felt emotional and ‘really wobbly.’ When a person has high anxiety it is likely they are going to be reactive to sugar and can suffer a whole host of related symptoms. So if you or someone you know has high anxiety they may well respond well to a change in diet – read the great Sunday Times article below to understand more. And how some big companies who interests lay with protecting and building profit, so are preventing the  spread of knowledge of the damage effects sugar can cause! Two years ago Lucy Miller, a 31-year-old fitness and diet coach from Bromley in southeast London, decided to quit sugar. Added sugar is one of the key staples in the modern diet, from sweetened cereals to soups to sauces. For Miller that meant that biscuits, cakes, sweetened breakfast cereals and even fruit juice would be on the banned list. It was so difficult she turned to hypnotherapy to help her kick the habit. She soon suffered withdrawal symptoms, however, in the form of headaches and mild anxiety. “I was an avid exerciser so I wasn’t overweight but I would snack on Haribo sweets and chocolate,” she said. “I was hyperactive and I found I would have a sugar crash afterwards and I always had puffy bags under my eyes.” Miller has stuck to her new regime ever since, switching to a Paleolithic, or “caveman”, diet of unprocessed foods that she credits with boosting her energy levels and helping her complexion. “People used to tell you not to eat fat but it soon became clear to me that it was sugar that was the problem,” she said. On average we consume more than 700g of sugar a week, either when added to drinks or when contained within food substances. This is the equivalent to 140 teaspoons of the substance. Miller is among a growing number of people who suspect it may be the culprit for poor health, from a lack of energy to more serious conditions such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease. For many contemplating their new year resolutions and unhealthy diets, sugar will be in their sights. This is not just the latest dietary fad. There is growing evidence that sugar may be a greater threat to health than we previously thought. A report published earlier this year found that for every additional 150 calories of sugar consumed per
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Sometimes everyone needs a quick way to feel calmer and there is a brilliant technique which all of us at Within Sight use on ourselves and with our clients. It is called the 7/11 breathing technique. This relaxing breathing technique is called so because it simply requires that you breathe in for a count of 7 and out for a count of 11. The presenters on BBC breakfast were even talking about it a few months ago! The 7/11 numbers just refer to breathing in for a count of 7 and out for 11. However you don’t have to use those number as long as you are breathing out for longer than you breathe in. Read on to learn how to use this technique and get really good at bringing a sense of deep relaxed calmness quickly. What does breathing out longer than you breathe in achieve? The breath is aligned to the two main parts of the nervous system:- Sympathetic – which governs the parts of your body that need to be activated if there is any danger about or that needs an immediate response to. The sympathetic system is designed to be more active during the day and as an alignment with the in breath. Para-sympathetic – this governs the parts of your body that calms everything down and brings the body rest and relaxation. The para-sympathetic is designed to govern the body more at night and as more of an alignment with the out breath. You will have seen people who are in a panic or worried and they tend to gulp in air as they get more upset. In contrast a person who is relaxed It does not matter how busy your head is, breathing out longer than you breathe in forces the body to activate calming responses. Practice makes perfect Taking time out to practice this breathing regularly ‘anchors’ the relaxation response. This means that your body gets used to quickly creating the relaxation response when you start to breathing this way. And you can do it at your desk, on hte train or at home. start by sitting in a place where you will not be disturbed and practice for about 10 minutes put your hand on your stomach just below your navel. And make sure that your breathing is not all in the chest but that your hand slightly rises when you breathe in to show that you are doing relaxed breaths that make this area move as well as the chest. (Your lungs go a long way down into the body and most of us just breathe into a small percentage of them.) This is not about taking huge breath’s more that there is a normal breath which moves the stomach and the outward breath is longer. following this you can listen to a relaxing CD or hypnotic induction to deepen the relaxation response go through an imaginary journey of relaxing the body, like imagining the warm rays of the sun gradually
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Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find something that could help you get back on track when you had problems and keep you on track when you are well? The Basic Human Needs do just that. We are all born with innate needs, like every organism in the universe, and our instincts drive us to get these needs met. All behaviours can be seen as an unconscious instinctive drive to meet one or more of these emotional and physical needs. Because we have drives that force us unconsciously to get these needs met we can all go off track sometimes but a thorough knowledge of what the basic needs are, and how they can be met in different ways, will give you the ability to get back on track again whatever you experience. Seemingly complex mental health problems can often be explained and helped through understanding what happens when basic needs are not met in a helpful way. If you are a therapist it is essential that you help your client to work to get these needs met in a healthy way. And if you are reading this for yourself, download the checklist through the link at the bottom of the page and dedicate an hour to go through the  list and do your own basic needs audit – we promise you will benefit from doing this. The Human Givens Foundation has carefully categorised the different needs and expanded our understanding of what it takes to ensure mental and physical wellbeing. Their list includes nine essential needs: Attention Inter-connection with other human beings is vital to human survival. Without regular quality contact with other people, mental health, emotional state and behaviour can suffer quite drastically. If attention needs are met outside of work, then the worker has more capacity to work effectively, as their emotional needs are less likely to get in the way. A psychotherapist who gets their attention needs met from their clients can compromise the whole process of therapy, as the therapist may try to ‘hang on’ to their client. Mind-body connection The way we look after ourselves physically directly impacts on our psychological wellbeing. We need to have enough rest, sleep, exercise and the right kind of food and drink. Sometimes even altering the type of food we eat can change your mood, lower anxiety and sleep better. So no amount of self help and therapy will make much difference to anxiety or depression, if a person is drinking lot of sugary drinks and eating a high carb diet. A sure way to induce mental and physical breakdown is to deprive someone of company, food, drink or sleep. (A fact well understood by oppressors everywhere.) Purpose and goals Human beings appear to be ‘hard wired’ to imaginatively project into the future – thereby giving us something constructive to work towards. Art and technology developed because humans have the basic need for and ability to create goals which gives a sense of meaning to their lives. Connection to something greater than ourselves We
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A set of cognitive and emotional abilities that predict future performance The importance of a child’s imagination: Do you remember a time when you were a child playing some made up game? A branch became a horse, a twig a gun; and in the blazing heat of the desert sands (well …local hills) you rode to capture the bad wizard? No? But maybe you have your own story? I started to think about the importance of creative play when I was out running along the front in Brighton and noticed how some driftwood had made the beach the perfect playground and was full of deliriously happy kids. Their imaginations were running riot, all totally engrossed as they played out being builders on a new planet, pirates and monsters. Children enjoy and need non-structured play to develop emotional regulation. I could not help think that although it was gorgeous to see the kids having such a wonderful time something was odd. Then it dawned on me – no adults organizing them! The parents sat around in groups chatting and enjoying each other’s company. The changing nature of children’s play. So, after a coffee and some research on the internet, a picture started to form about the changing nature of children’s play. Studies show there has been an increase in adult led, toy centered, rule bound play that has had a detrimental effect on the development of children’s emotional and cognitive development. In a recent book by play historian Chudacoff he says “It’s interesting to me that when we talk about play today, the first thing that comes to mind are toys. Whereas when I would think of play in the 19th century, I would think of activity rather than an object.” With the ever increasing growth in toys and pre-scripted play, children now wave a plastic gun instead of a piece of wood. Combine this with the ever more sanitized and protected environments that we create for children to keep them safe; and we have limited their make believe world that equips them for adulthood. It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline. The diminishing ability to self regulate: Psychologist Elena Bodrova at Mid-Continent Research for Education and Learning says ‘We know that children’s capacity for self-regulation has diminished. A recent study replicated a study of self-regulation first done in the late 1940s, in which psychological researchers asked kids ages 3, 5 and 7 to do a number of exercises. One of those exercises included standing perfectly still without moving. The 3-year-olds couldn’t stand still at all, the 5-year-olds could do it for about three minutes, and the 7-year-olds could stand pretty much as long as the researchers asked. In 2001, researchers
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Find the courage | Alan Johnston’s story ‘I lay in a dwindling pool of candlelight, listening to the shouting, rowing neighbours and occasional gunshots that are all part of the noisy clamour of Gaza’s poorer neighbourhoods. I felt very, very far from home, trapped, and aghast at how dire my situation was.’ Last year I, along with millions of others watched the inspiring BBC Panorama documentary about Alan Johnston’s capture and eventual release in Gaza. Alan’s story makes compelling viewing; awestruck by this intelligent dignified and modest man I saw how his story highlights that no matter how bleak your personal circumstances; the biggest battle that we face in desperate times is the inner psychological one. A review of our basic needs reveals that a sense of inner hope, meaning and control in our lives is essential for emotional and physical well being. But how can some who has been abducted and incarcerated ever have any control? Johnston’s abduction and one hundred and fourteen days of imprisonment stripped him of physical liberty; but in making certain decisions he managed to take control of some aspects of his daily life and resurrect some independence of mind. Alan Johnston: the first steps to control his environment He reported that the time in his cell passed at a crushingly slow pace, hour after long hour he paced the small room, and after a few days became ill from the food and contaminated water. But he managed to persuade his captives to agree to give him chips and boiled water in the future, thus lessening the likelihood that would be weakened by food poisoning again.  ‘I told myself that in my captivity there was only one thing that I might be able to control – my state of mind. But much of my mental energy went into the huge effort to confront my many anxieties, the struggle as I saw it, to keep my mind in the right place. Rehearsing his threatened execution: How he influenced his future reactions On one occasion his captor said he was going to be executed in the Jihad style, by having his throat cut, this would be videoed and broadcast. One can only imagine what desolation that causes; in the face of such terror he still managed to decide that if that video was going to be the last image that his beloved parents and Sister saw of him he wanted to ensure that it was ‘not of weeping, pleading broken man’ So he rehearsed his death hoping that if it became reality he would retain his dignity and some inner control on how he faced that moment. This is not the first time that a person in captivity has recognized the need to take some control, to find the courage and to feel that he is more than the product of limiting environmental circumstances. Viktor Frankl in his book ‘Man’s search of meaning’  said that his experience of life in the concentration camps demonstrates that man does
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